The Golden Age Of Grotesque Interviews

FHM

Marilyn Manson
2003 Nov

Robbie Williams joined you when you attended Ozzy Osbourne's inauguration at the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. Is Noel Gallagher's description of the ex-Take That start as "a fat dancer" still fair?
"Ha ha! He didn't really look fat to me, but I was giving him a hard time because he's become a bit of a sexual janitor: he had dated a lot of women that have had sex with people in my band, or friends of mine. So I had the great pleasure to inform him that one of them had swallowed the semen of my guitar player. He said, 'Oh, I'm pleased to hear that.'
I patted him on the back and smiled."

So you could categorically end the persistent rumours that Robbie might be gay?
"Well, by default he did get sperm in his mouth - but only through kissing a woman."

Nice! You also hung out with Macaulay Culkin last year when you worked on a film...
"He purchased me my first pack of cigarettes. I was playing a character who smoked and I really wanted to get into character, so we went to a liquor store and the lady asked us both for ID's, which was amazing because she didn't recognise either one of us. I didn't have any ID, so he had to buy the cigarettes. Virginia Slims - lights, because he said I should start slow."

Is he a nice kid, or is he strangely screwed up by his childhood?
"He shares the common fear of crowds, that a lot of people like he and I have. But he's alright."

Did you become buddies?
"Well, he did come to my house once - he lives in L.A. I think I scared his girlfriend, so he left."

How security-conscious are you when you're holed up in your Hollywood abode?
"I have cameras all over the place and sometimes I'll stay up all night, watching them, paranoid, sipping absinth, thinking I hear things. I have pellet guns so I fire them into the darkness hoping to hit an intruder, but usually it's probably just a coyote."

Why don't you have a proper gun?
"I'm not allowed to have one. I always try and get one but someone takes it away from me because they are afraid I'm gonna hurt myself or somebody else - which is probably true."

Who won't let you have one?
"My girlfriend... my manager... the police."

If you did have a gun and come across a burglar, would you send him to his grave?
"Nah, I'd probably maim him and make him watch really bad TV shows for hours until he's just about to die. Then I'd call the ambulance. I wouldn't kill him because then I'd have to go to jail."

When you get home of an evening, so you wipe off the make-up, whack a TV dinner in the micro, and stick on Ground Force on BBC America?
"I never watch regular TV - I watch a lot of movies. And a lot of time I'll fall asleep with my make-up on, depending on what I'm doing. Sometimes it'll be smeared all over my face if I'm having some sort of great sex act."

Naturally! What's a typical night for the Mazza?
"If I'm feeling mellow, I'll stay in and paint and talk to my cat. Otherwise if I have a night off on tour we usually head to strip bars to further study the female anatomy."

You must be gynaecologically qualified by now...
"Yeah. I've got a PhD."

Do you genuinely really still do stuff like that? Isn't there a temptation to just go to the hotel and have a nice kip?
"Well, it is exhausting, but you get that irreplaceable high from coming offstage and sometimes an irreplaceable high from doing drugs, too. And you have to be around people that are interested in having strange times. That doesn't always have to be depraved sex orgies, of course - it can be conservative sex orgies."

You've been doing this for more than a decade - do you own a pair of slippers, a pipe and a cardigan yet?
"Uhm, I do have slippers so I can wear them when I get off the tour bus and go into a truck stop to buy polished rocks or Cheese Whizz; I have a pipe that I smoke marijuana with; and I don't have any cardigans but I do have a sweater-vest I got for Christmas."

No Tracksuit, then?
"No, I don't. But I have a pair of Gualtier sweat-pants."

When was the last time you upset your mother?
"She came and saw me last week when I played in Cleveland and I think when I put the microphone in one of my dancers' rear ends, that might have made her a little upset. It was for hygiene purposes I think - she probably thought there should have been disinfectant."

Your name is, of course, Brian. Does she call you Manson?
"Er... she did the other day."

Okay, does she go, "Manson you're a very bad boy..."?
"She just held her head down in shame."

So what's the most disgusting then you've done on stage?
"Hard to say. If it were true that I had rubbed my crotch on a security guard's head I would have to say that, but of course that was all 'alleged'."

That went to court didn't it - were you found not guilty?
"Yeah."

Shame - we like the idea of you flopping your balls on a security guard's head...
"I'm not saying anything either way. It's all 'alleged'.
But just the idea of my genitals near a sweaty fat guy's neck is pretty disgusting. And the idea of some sweaty fat guy thinking I would want to do that is pretty presumptuous of him."

A few weeks ago in London's trendy Met Bar, you told a former FHM writer to, "Seal the deal, buddy," after watching him try to pull a lady for hours. Do you often dispense relationship advice?
"Yeah, especially when it's happening in front of me - for example, last night there were a bunch of girls sitting round with their clothes on; I told them they should change that... and engage in some of sort of relationship with each other. And I always advise my friends when they get into a relationship with someone who resembles my last girlfriend, because I can recognise a real bitch when I see one. Ha ha!"

That would be the famous Rose McGowan...
"Famous is a strong word to use."

A lot of FHM readers face a threesome - any advice there?
"I had a foursome and got punched in the mouth, so my advice is... maybe I should tried three. It was that extra girl that got lost in the shuffle."

When was the last time you went unnoticed for a few hours?
"1987."

Very good! But you must try and get out to rent a DVD or go to the supermarket...
"Well, I sometimes try and wear a disguise but then people go, 'Oh, there's Marilyn Manson wearing a stupid disguise.'
I was mistaken for Michael Jackson once. That was odd. I didn't have a baby dangling from my hands, so I'm not sure what made them think I was him - maybe it was the pale complexion."

Finally, if you were a serial killer, who would be your first three victims?
"My publicist, your editor and you. For Fucking up my afternoon."