THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
The season of goodwill may be upon us, but one man has come to vomit on your festive cheer. Fresh from wrecking his hotel room, MARILYN MANSON is here to wish death on the members of Korn, plant drugs on Aerosmith and brand Leonardo DiCaprio a "hunk of shit"...
WELCOME TO Xmas.
An entire world of over-oiled punters will punish their credit cards, deck the halls with gaudy baubles and make improper suggestions to their office subordinates. A billion nervous turkeys will cross their trembling drumsticks in fear of a steaming fistful of chestnut stuffing. Noel Edmonds will hatch foul plots by which to jerk the rheumy tear-ducts of the old, half -witted and infirm. And a disconsolate throng of grotesquely under-paid elves will slap a truculent, white-whiskered fat bloke into some form of sobriety. Yes indeed, 1998 is creaking to its inevitable conclusion. So what better time to side-step the entire tinsel-drenched farrago and deconstruct the year’s biggest events with Planet Rock’s most celebrated grinch, Mr Marilyn Manson? Refreshingly untarnished by a single iota of good cheer, Manson - fresh from wreaking $17,500 worth of damage on a Poughkeepsie hotel suite — sits demurely behind lilac shades on a palatial tour bus in Boston, Massachusetts. In between mouthfuls of pizza, he spits profane vitriol in the direction of Courtney Love, Korn and Leonardo DiCaprio, and offers his unique insight into everything from Jerry Springer to Cigar-gate. So hold onto your winter warmers and prepare to be sleighed...
LICENSED TO BILL
Revelations of Bill Clinton’s ill-advised affair with stogie-toting White House intern Monica Lewinsky rocked Washington DC to its very foundations. Having initially denied all charges of sordid wrong-doing, the sax-addicted leader of the free world finally confessed to his sins and is in grave danger of being imminently impeached.
"It proves that he’s really rock n roll. He started that way with his whole experience of smoking pot and then he went on to have sex with an ugly girl, which is very rock n roll and what most rock stars do. I’m gonna try and hire him as our tour manager after he gets fired from being President. He can sample the girls and give them backstage passes, then we’ll know who’s good to f**k and who’s not. "I don’t think he should be impeached. I think he should be applauded for having the ability to be erect while in such troubled times. You have to look at things on a grading curve. For Bill, Monica’s not so bad because his ability to pick up hot girls is in a weird state. For me, I wouldn’t let Monica Lewinsky take out my garbage. But if I was Bill, I would have f* *ked her right in the ass."
The earth-shattering effects of global warming have continued apace with El Alino and Hurricane Mitch causing almost Biblical scenes of utter devastation. It would appear that we’re relentlessly destroying our world for future generations.
"I’ve always been about, live for today and live each day to the fullest. And I don’t think that people who are alive 20 years from now deserve to have a good time. I think they should suffer, because we’ve suffered and now it’s their turn. So, the more global warming the better."
GEORGE MICHAEL: OUT OF THE CLOSET; INTO THE KHAZI
The ill-timed lavatorial plum-play of the hitherto squeaky-clean ex-Wham star initially horrified his legion of mainstream admirers. He’s since been forgiven, but he’ll take plenty of care who he croons, ‘I Want Your Sex’ to in the immediate future.
"I think George Michael having sex in a public place involving a police officer was a publicity stunt to promote our single ‘The Dope Show’, because I mention it in the line, ‘Cops and queers’. George Michael wanted to live out the line and make it real, because he’s such a fan. "If he’d wiggled it at me I would have put on that T-shirt that says ‘Choose Life’, and then I would have grabbed his dick and showed him what it was really about..."
THE TOXIC TWINS CONQUER THE GLOBE
During the week beginning October 26, Aerosmith’s ‘I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing’ was the biggest selling single in the entire world. Twelve years on from rehab, Mr. Tyler and Perry seem to be at the very peak of their powers.
"Well, they’ve disavowed drugs which I find a lie. Because at that age, if you’re not doing drugs there is no reason to even be involved in rock n roll. So if they don’t start admitting to doing drugs, I’m gonna insult them. And I will plant drugs on them and call the police. Everyone’s better when they’re on drugs, undoubtedly. Rock ‘n roll is about drugs.
THAT SINKING FEELING
‘Titanic’ shattered box office records with its epic, romantic vision of iceberg-hastened death and destruction, whilst catapulting the cutesy careers of Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio into hyper-space along the way.
"I think that Leonardo should start doing sit-ups. Because I’ve seen some pictures of him in the ‘National Enquirer’ and he’s turning into more of a Vincent D’Onofrio than a Leonardo DiCaprio, so he’s gonna be in a world of shit soon. All the little girls are gonna realise that he’s not quite a hunk. He’s more like a hunk of shit."
ROMANCE OF THE YEAR
Our man Manson hooked up this year with ‘Scream’ star Rose McGowan, whose scantily-clad antics wowed the 1998 MTV A wards. The God Of F* *k also appears alongside his sweetheart in her forthcoming ‘Jawbreaker’ movie.
"I have a moustache in the movie. Moustaches promote more fertility and my moustache made me have a greater ejaculation. George Michael could probably say the same. Moustaches are a symbol of things to come: Freddie Mercury, Eddie Murphy, all these people have worn the moustache and gone on to have trouble. Freddie Mercury obviously went on to have some anal intercourse and Eddie Murphy went on to pick up transexuals on Santa Monica Boulevard. "I think moustaches are the future. I think everyone should grow a moustache and have bizarre sexual experiences according to their moustaches. I’m kind of in my own world, so I really ignore the fact that I’m involved in a very public relationship, but I guess it keeps me better behaved. It also keeps me from letting Brian Molko give me blow-jobs because Rose would find out about it..."
GLAM ROCK LIVES!
‘Velvet Goldmine’, the triumphal return of Kiss and Manson’s own ‘Mechanical Animals’ album have all conspired to return the much-maligned genre to the very forefront of the rock cosmos.
"Well, it’s something that I’ve always had as an aesthetic. I’ve always tried to promote more than just music, with an image and also an ideal. I just think that it’s got to a point where people have caught up with what I’ve been saying for the past six years. "This album has made some musical references to glam rock. It’s kind of a zeitgeist, and it’s triggered other people to follow suit. I think what’ll be interesting to see is if people really understand what glam rock was about. It was about decadence and about something more powerful beneath that. It wasn’t just about an outfit or a hairstyle, it was about a whole lifestyle. I saw Kiss about two years ago and, strangely enough, they were just as good as when I saw them in 1979."
AMERICAS WORLD CUP SHAME
The United States national soccer team made a particularly unsuccessful bid to win the World Cup this year, losing somewhat embarrassingly to Iran and even beating Scotland to their traditional seats on the first plane home.
"I have no real identification with sports. In fact, this is the first time that I’ve heard that we had lost to Iran. So I don’t really know anything about it. The last thing I heard about Iran was the Ayatollah, and that was a couple of years ago He had a couple of balls and I think that they got buried. Me in the gym? No chance."
As we encroach ever closer on the turn of the millennium, the world is in uproar: But such matters as the notorious bug, the second coming of Christ and the imminent fall of civilisation pale into insignificance alongside the crucial choice of exactly where it is that you’re going to party on December 31, 1999.
"I think it’s a media-created hype. It’s also something that people expect. It would be funny if people found out that the calendar was off and we had actually already passed the millennium. I think every hundred years everyone gets a little uneasy because they’re not sure what’s gonna happen next, but I don’t see us being any worse off than we were before. Man always has a tendency to try and destroy himself, and that happens most at the end of every hundred years —and that’s where we are now. "I’m gonna be in Las Vegas on New Year’s Eve, 1999. They have a five-dollar chip with my face on it, and I’ll stick one up my ass and see what happens. That’s where I most want to be. That’s the centre of all evil, so why shouldn’t I be there?"
THE CELEBRITY DEAD POOL
The rich and famous have been dropping like flies this year: From Frank Sinatra to Linda McCartney But who’ll be the first celebrity to boot the proverbial bucket in 1999?...
"I’d like to see celebrity deaths from Korn. I’d like to see several members of that band die, so that that Adidas rock would stop making young kids have a terrible sense of fashion and a terrible sense of what rock n roll should be. I’d like to see ska music and swing music have some celebrity deaths, and I’d like to see Courtney Love fatally impaled on Twiggy Ramirez’s dick. "But who’s next? Probably me. And I’m probably gonna die from not being given my food after a show. The people were supposed to give us something to eat tonight and they gave us the wrong thing, so I went in and stabbed a few of them. I broke a bunch of windows and I caused $100,000 worth of damage. I’ll show them not to give me the wrong food..."
COURTNEY LOVE: HAS SHE BLOWN IT?
Holes' difficult third album Celebrity Skin failed to live up to expectations. Could this be the beginning of the end for the one-woman publicity machine?
"I think that she’s fulfilled the legacy that her band name implies with Hole on this record. Because she’s a vacuum that only sucks in and never gives anything back to the world."
SADDAM HUSSEIN: THE MADMAN ACROSS THE WATER
The Iraqi dictator continued to taunt the West, dragging America to the brink of war not once but twice.
‘Actually, I’d like to send him to Courtney’s house. I think they’d have some things to do together. Its easy to hate a dictator if you’re not him. But if you are him, I’m sure it’s great. "I’d like to be up on a stage having a lot of people taste my dick. In fact, I think that’s what I just did. So I must applaud myself. I’m an absolute dictator within the band. You can’t trust a bunch of guys to try and decide where they’re gonna go — you have to tell them."
SPICE GIRLS: THEN THERE WERE FOUR...
Gerri Halliwell walked out on the Spice Girls leaving a reeling world to ponder their future — or possible lack of it Can Sporty, Posh, Scary and Baby continue without their flange-flashing, ginger compadre-in-pop?
"Its tough to say. It’s kind of like when Donnie Wahlberg left New Kids On The Block. Once you have such a strong icon, you can’t really tear it apart and create something new. So I don’t predict much for the Spice Girls after this. But I’d like to see how ugly their children are, because it’s only fame that makes them attractive."
On the ‘Mechanical Animals’ cover, you were looking a bit ginger and spicy yourself?
"It’s kind of an image of vulnerability and sexlessness, and I think it represented how I was writing the lyrics. I wanted the image to show where my mind was at."
THE CULT OF JERRY SPRINGER
The salacious excesses of the trailer-park made for compulsive viewing as Jerry Springer invited both freak and unique to spew forth their deepest secrets. Undoubtedly, the TV hit of the year - could even Marilyn Manson offer a confession to equal ‘Honey I used to be a man’?
"I think I’ve really confessed everything there is to confess with my book. The only things that I didn’t say were the things that would get me arrested. But I’m a big fan of Jerry Stringer, because I think the show celebrates and also criticises white trash America. And in a sense, that’s kind of like what I’ve done in some ways. "I’m most fascinated with very normal American life, and that’s what’s so great about Jerry Springer. There’s nothing really out of the ordinary about the people that they have on there. They’re just showing people their most innermost problems, and obviously it’s sick in one way but it’s also kind of innocent and beautiful in another. So I think that Jerry Springer should win the Nobel Peace Prize, or something like that. I like him a lot, but he’s no Ricki Lake."
THE KERRANG! AWARDS
At this year’s star-studded event, Marilyn Manson were voted Best Band In The World. In a rib-tickling video message, the man himself claimed that we could’ve chosen no one else. But who would he nominate as the Worst Band In The World?
"There’s too many candidates, so it would be hard to narrow it down. But I’m pretty sure that anyone who wears Adidas clothing onstage should be put into that category. Because Adidas does not equal rock n roll, no matter what anybody says.
THE LONG HARD ROAD OUT OF HELL
No other book this year could possibly equal Manson’s searing autobiography. There are strong rumours circulating that it’s to be turned into a no-holds-barred movie.
"Well, they’ve wanted to makeit into a movie, but I really don’t wanna play myself. I think the guy on (US TV show) ‘Gentle Ben’ could play me as a kid. And maybe as I got older, Christopher Walken could play me. But I don’t think that it’s good to make your life story into a movie while you’re still alive. They can make it when I’m dead. "The only person to complain about what was written about them in the book was Courtney Love. She was upset that I said that the crowd removed her underwear; she wanted it corrected to say that they removed her panties. She was very particular about certain words. She didn’t try and deny the other allegations of sex with Trent Reznor or Twiggy Ramirez, she just wanted to clarify that she wore panties not underpants."
THE DOPE SHOW
Dave Navarro and Scott Weiland both had very public battles with drug addiction this year It would appear that rock n roll’s romance with narcotics shows no sign of letting up.
"Well, those guys are failures in the drug world. I’m a winner in the drug world. I do the drugs and I win: those guys do the drugs and they lose. I feel bad for them. I think that rehab is for quitters, and that if you can’t handle drugs then you should go to bed. "People who abuse drugs make the people who use drugs look bad. It’s hard to deal with everything that comes along with music, and people find that they have to use drugs to shield them or try and help them through the hardness of it all. But I think that we’ve got over that part in our lives and we’ve found now that drugs can be decadent and inspirational and not any sort of crutch."
If 1997 was your year of cocaine, what was 1998 your year of?
"Taking a shit. You sniff drugs for a year straight, you’re gonna shit for a year straight. So I think that’s what happened."
The eternal quandary: what is it that you buy for the man who has everything? It would appear that Manson has found the perfect solution to Xmas gift uncertainty In order to avoid any accusations of favouritism, all of his fellow band members will find exactly the same thing under their slaughtered spruce.
"Some antibiotics to clear up all of their venereal diseases."